Privacy Policy Consent

WholeHumanMama.com and GraemeSeabrook.com is owned by Graeme Seabrook (“Company”, “we”, or “us”). The term “you” refers to the user or viewer of WholeHumanMama.com and GraemeSeabrook.com (“Website”).

This Privacy Policy describes how we collect, use, process, and distribute your information, including Personal Data (as defined below) used to access this Website. We will not use or share your information with anyone except as described in this Privacy Policy. The use of information collected through our Sites shall be limited to the purposes under this Privacy Policy and our Terms of Service to customers.

Please read this Privacy Policy carefully. We reserve the right to change this Privacy Policy on the Website at any time without notice. In the event of a material change, we will let you know via email and/or a prominent notice on our Website.

Use of any personal information or contribution that you provide to us, or which is collected by us on or through our Website or its content is governed by this Privacy Policy. By using our Website or its content, you consent to this Privacy Policy, whether or not you have read it.

Information We May Collect
We collect personal information from you so that we can provide you with a positive experience when utilizing our Website or content. We will only collect the minimum amount of information necessary for us to fulfill our obligation to you. We may collect:

  • A name and an email address so we can deliver our emails to you — you would be affirmatively consenting to this by providing this to us in our contact forms.
  • Billing information including name, address, and credit card information so that we can process payment to deliver our products or services to you under our contractual obligation.
  • A name and an email address if you complete our contact form with a question. We may send you marketing emails with either your consent or if we believe we have a legitimate interest to contact you based on your contact or question.
  • Information from you from a co-branded offer. In this case, we will make clear as to who is collecting the information and whose privacy policy applies. If both / all parties are retaining the information you provide, this will also be made clear as will links to all privacy policies.

Please note that the information above (“Personal Data”) that you are giving to us is voluntarily, and by providing this information to us, you are giving consent for us to use, collect, and process this Personal Data. You are welcome to opt-out or request for us to delete your Personal Data at any point by contacting us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com

If you choose not to provide us with certain Personal Data, you may not be able to participate in certain aspects of our Website or content.

Other Information We May Collect:

Anonymous Data Collection and Use
To maintain Website quality, we may use your IP address to help diagnose problems with our server, to administer the Website by identifying which areas of the Website are most heavily used, and to display content according to your preferences. Your IP address is the number assigned to computers connected to the Internet. This is essentially “traffic data” which cannot personally identify you but is helpful to us for marketing purposes and for improving our services. Traffic data collection does not follow a user’s activities on any other websites in any way. Anonymous traffic data may also be shared with business partners and advertisers on an aggregate basis.

Use of “Cookies”
We may use the standard “cookies” feature of major web browsers. We do not set any personally identifiable information in cookies, nor do we employ any data-capture mechanisms on our Website other than cookies. You may choose to disable cookies through your own web browser’s settings. However, disabling this function may diminish your experience on our Website and some features may not work as intended.

What We Do With Information We Collect

Contact You

We may contact you with information that you provide to us based on these lawful grounds for processing:

  • We may contact you if you give us your clear, unambiguous, affirmative consent to contact you.
  • We will contact you under our contractual obligation to deliver goods or services you purchase from us.
  • Legitimate Interest. We may contact you if we feel you have a legitimate interest in hearing from us. For example, if you sign up for a webinar, we may send you marketing emails based on the content of that webinar.  You will always have the option to opt out of any of our emails.

Process Payments
We will use the Personal Data you give to us in order to process your payment for the purchase of goods or services under a contract. We only use third party payment processors that take the utmost care in securing data and comply with the GDPR.

Targeted Social Media Advertisements
We may use the data you provide to us to run social media advertisements and / or create look-alike audiences for advertisements.

Share with Third Parties
We may share your information with trusted third parties such as our newsletter provider in order to contact you via email, our merchant accounts to process payments, and Google / social media accounts in order to run advertisements and our affiliates.

Viewing by Others
Note that whenever you voluntarily make your Personal Data available for viewing by others online through this Website or its content, it may be seen, collected and used by others, and therefore, we cannot be responsible for any unauthorized or improper use of the information that you voluntarily share (i.e., sharing a comment on a blog post, posting in a Facebook group that we manage, sharing details on a group coaching call, etc.).

Submission, Storage, Sharing and Transferring of Personal Data
Personal Data that you provide to us is stored internally or through a data management system. Your Personal Data will only be accessed by those who help to obtain, manage, or store that information, or who have a legitimate need to know such Personal Data (i.e., our hosting provider, newsletter provider, payment processors, or team members).

It is important to note that we may transfer data internationally. For users in the European Union, please be aware that we transfer Personal Data outside of the European Union. By using our Website and providing us with your Personal Data, you consent to these transfers in accordance with this Privacy Policy.

Data Retention
We retain your Personal Data for the minimum amount of time necessary to provide you with the information and / or services that you requested from us. We may include certain Personal Data for longer periods of time if necessary for legal, contractual, and accounting obligations.

Confidentiality
We aim to keep the Personal Data that you share with us confidential. Please note that we may disclose such information if required to do so by law or in the good-faith belief that: (1) such action is necessary to protect and defend our rights or property or those of our users or licensees, (2) to act as immediately necessary in order to protect the personal safety or rights of our users or the public, or (3) to investigate or respond to any real or perceived violation of this Privacy Policy or of our Disclaimer, Terms and Conditions, or any other terms of use or agreement with us.

Passwords
To use certain features of the Website or its content, you may need a username and password. You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of the username and password, and you are responsible for all activities, whether by you or by others, that occur under your username or password and within your account. We cannot and will not be liable for any loss or damage arising from your failure to protect your username, password, or account information. If you share your username or password with others, they may be able to obtain access to your Personal Data at your own risk.

You agree to notify us immediately of any unauthorized or improper use of your username or password or any other breach of security. To help protect against unauthorized or improper use, make sure that you log out at the end of each session requiring your username and password.

We will use our best efforts to keep your username and password(s) private and will not otherwise share your password(s) without your consent, except as necessary when the law requires it or in the good faith belief that such action is necessary, particularly when disclosure is necessary to identify, contact, or bring legal action against someone who may be causing injury to others or interfering with our rights or property.

How You Can Access, Update, or Delete Your Personal Data

You have the right to:

  • Request information about how your Personal Data is being used and request a copy of what Personal Data we use.
  • Restrict processing if you think the Personal Data is not accurate, unlawful, or no longer needed.
  • Rectify or erase Personal Data and receive confirmation of the rectification or erasure. (You have the “right to be forgotten.”)
  • Withdraw your consent at any time to the processing of your Personal Data.
  • Lodge a complaint with a supervisory authority if you feel we are using your Personal Data unlawfully.
  • Receive Personal Data portability and transference to another controller without our hindrance.
  • Object to our use of your Personal Data.
  • Not be subject to an automated decision based solely on automatic processing, including profiling, which legally or significantly affects you.

You may unsubscribe from our emails or updates at any time through the unsubscribe link at the footer of all email communications. If you have questions or are experiencing problems unsubscribing, please contact us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com

Security
We take commercially reasonable steps to protect the Personal Data you provide to us from misuse, disclosure, or unauthorized access. We only share your Personal Data with trusted third parties who use the same level of care in processing your Personal Data. That being said, we cannot guarantee that your Personal Data will always be secure due to technology or security breaches. Should there be a data breach of which we are aware, we will inform you immediately.

Anti-Spam Policy
We have a no spam policy and provide you with the ability to opt-out of our communications by selecting the unsubscribe link at the footer of all emails. We have taken the necessary steps to ensure that we are compliant with the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003 by never sending out misleading information. We will not sell, rent, or share your email address.

Third Party Websites
We may link to other websites on our Website. We have no responsibility or liability for the content and activities of any other individual, company, or entity whose website or materials may be linked to our Website or its content, and thus we cannot be held liable for the privacy of the information on their website or that you voluntarily share with their website. Please review their privacy policies for guidelines as to how they respectively store, use, and protect the privacy of your Personal Data.

Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act Compliance
We do not collect any information from anyone under 18 years of age in compliance with COPPA (Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act) and the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation of the EU). Our Website and its content is directed to individuals who are at least 18 years old or older.

Notification of Changes
We may use your Personal Data, such as your contact information, to inform you of changes to the Website or its content, or, if requested, to send you additional information about us. We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to change, modify, or otherwise alter our Website, its content, and this Privacy Policy at any time. Such changes and/or modifications shall become effective immediately upon posting our updated Privacy Policy. Please review this Privacy Policy periodically. Continued use of any of information obtained through or on the Website or its content following the posting of changes and/or modifications constituted acceptance of the revised Privacy Policy. Should there be a material change to our Privacy Policy, we will contact you via email or by a prominent note on our Website.

Data Controller and Processors
We are the data controllers as we are collecting and using your Personal Data. We use trusted third parties as our data processors for technical and organizational purposes, including for payments and email marketing. We use reasonable efforts to make sure our data processors are GDPR-compliant.If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com

Last Updated: January 2025

Back To School 2020: Moms Speak Out

Same story, different states.
January 16, 2025

This was originally published on my old blog between 2012 and 2020.

Anger is like air now. I don’t smell it, I don’t feel it, I don’t even realize I’m breathing it in. It’s simply a part of me — like oxygen. At first, it motivated me. I created and supported and wrote and cooked and loved so fiercely. As it settled more deeply into my body, I got sick; panic attacks, migraine attacks, stomach in knots, bowels turned to water. 

But now, it simply IS. I don’t notice it until I’m growling at my children or about to throw my phone across the room. This is the person I’ve become, the mother my children have, the wife that Adam loves. 

In one week, this will be the person guiding my son’s education. 

Our school district is allowing parents to choose whether we send our kids to school or use the online learning platform. Our son will go to second grade from our home, our daughter will go to half-day pre-kindergarten at school… for however long the schools are open. Making those choices for them felt impossible, even though, objectively, my family is extremely privileged. 

We don’t have to send our kids to school. Neither of us is in danger of losing our jobs or our home if we don’t leave the house for work. We aren’t living on the edge that so many millions of families across the country are — and it still felt like a life-and-death decision we simply didn’t have enough information to make. 

So many of the conversations I see online break things down to their simplest parts or stand at extremes. And I get that: It’s where the clicks, likes, and retweets are. It’s so simple to say schools shouldn’t open or parents should keep their children home or teachers should strike. None of those stances are necessarily wrong. 

But the full truth is that our economy doesn’t work without public schools being open. Parents have been breaking these past months as schools and then summer options closed. There’s no support. There’s no leadership. There’s no guidance. And as always happens in a crisis, the people who were already at risk are crushed first. Then, the pain rolls uphill. 

In the absence of national leadership, it has fallen to states and districts to decide what happens with schools, what risks are acceptable, and who we’ll sacrifice. In my school district, elementary schools will open fully in-person while middle and high schools work on a hybrid system, and all families have the option of using the online learning platform. 

There’s a decision matrix that will be used to determine if and when it is safe for specific schools and/or the district itself to open. That matrix is available on the district website so that parents can track it day by day and see if we’re trending toward closures. And while that is so much more information than many districts across the country are offering, there’s still no plan, no information, nothing available for the parents who will be left completely without childcare if the schools close. If your kid has a complicated individualized education program (IEP) and needs 1:1 instruction to thrive, well, you’re shit out of luck. 

After months of isolation within our home, when it came time to decide how my family would approach the school year, Adam’s biggest concern was me. Specifically my mental health. Even with medication and therapy, I have not been OK for months. And while his boss and his team have worked with him so he can care for the kids and for me, this isn’t sustainable. So what happens if I’m struck with another week of debilitating migraine attacks while our seven-year-old is trying to navigate school online and his four-year-old sister is, you know, being four, and Adam has to work? 

How do we make it through this school year in the midst of a pandemic while the world is tearing itself apart? How do we protect our kids and ourselves? What’s the best choice for our community? And what about all the families who don’t have the resources we do?

I’ve worked with nearly 3,000 moms as a community creator, coach, and peer mental health supporter and one thing I know about moms is we always assume that we’re the only ones who can’t handle something. We assume that those other moms, the good moms, have things figured out and that we’re the ones who are weak, who are failing, who can’t come through for our kids. It is, and has always been, bullshit. But it’s bullshit that seems somehow baked into the modern American experience of motherhood. 

So I decided to ask moms how they are feeling about the coming school year and what their plans are. It turns out no one is comfortable with the choices they’ve made, even when they know it’s the best choice they had.

None of us are OK.

Not one. 

All the Horrible Choices

I asked four mothers who are also partners or spouses of teachers to speak with me and each one of them said they just couldn’t do it. They are all barely holding on and speaking their fears out loud was something they couldn’t handle. At the time I asked (mid-July), none of them had any guidance from their school districts about whether school would be in-person or online. Two live in Georgia, one in California, and one in Colorado. 

I spoke with two moms in Wisconsin:

Jenny’s two daughters go to a Catholic school she is deeply involved in. Class size is small enough for social distancing to happen, but they’re dependent on the school district for buses and no one knows what’s going to happen with that yet. What happens if a kid with a fever arrives by bus? What happens if one of the teachers has a child with a fever? Or if a teacher gets sick? There aren’t enough substitute teachers in the pool already and parents are being asked to volunteer as subs. Both Jenny and her husband are working outside the home and both have some flexibility to stay home if needed. They know they’re in a good position — and the worry is still there. 

Rae is a single parent in Milwaukee. Their son attends a Montessori K-8 public school, and when we talked, the biggest issue they were having was the isolation. While other parents at the school were able to get their kids together in small groups over the summer, Rae and their son live across the city from the school and haven’t been able to participate. They’re moving closer to the school and to Rae’s parents in August. So, one problem was solved but schools were also canceled last year just before the initial IEP meeting for Rae’s 10-year-old. 

“I’ve waited a year, and then they’re just like, yeah we’re gonna cancel it. So now we have to wait, I don’t even know — however long. And for real, I was in tears,” they said. 

For students who already have an IEP, this transition back and forth from in-school to online is hard enough. But at least their parents are supposed to have some recourse with schools and districts, and are supposed to be getting support. For the millions of kids across the country, like Rae’s son, who were in the midst of the process, there’s nothing but more waiting and more questions. 

Rae’s plan? To hope their mother will consider retiring a few years early in order to help on the days their son is learning from home. It’s the only way they’ll be able to keep their job.

Susan lives in Berkeley, California, and has a seven-year-old and a 13-year-old, both in public school. Susan and her husband are both college professors so they’re juggling public school and college closures, openings, and online options. 

“This is all I think about. I can’t sleep now,” she said. Every mom I spoke with echoed that sentiment. 

“Our district has had this really thoughtful process,” Susan explained. “They’ve done town halls, they’ve done specialty town halls — like Spanish-speaking town halls and Black family town halls — my experience of participating and witnessing is it’s been a very thoughtful process. And now this!” she said. 

The “this” that Susan is referring to is an extremely vague email that went out to parents the day before we spoke, asking them to choose in-person, hybrid, or online for their students for the year. It wasn’t at all clear if this was an information-gathering survey or if this meant the parents actually choosing an option for the year. So Susan went looking to see what her local teacher’s union had to say. They were against in-person instruction for the first semester of the school year. That’s what decided it for Susan and her family. They’re keeping her kids home for the school year, but she, like every parent I talked to, was worried about what happens to the kids and parents for whom that isn't truly an option. 

Amanda lives in Kansas and very few people around her are taking this seriously. Her daughter should be going into first grade in public school this year. Her husband has been working outside the home throughout the pandemic so it’s been up to Amanda to put her real estate work on hold and care for their daughter at home. “Stressed. As. Hell. We are stressed as hell,” she said. 

After months of isolation, Amanda made the decision to send her daughter to a summer day camp for both of their mental health. Like many moms she was finding herself yelling, snapping, and just being mean. Her daughter needed people and Amanda needed a break before she broke. But now she’s scared every day that her daughter will get sick or that she and her husband will. “Do I send my kid to school and risk her getting a debilitating illness that could kill her or leave her with long-term problems, or do I destroy what’s left of my career and my mental health and keep her home? That’s the choice coming. Assuming they give us a choice.” 

Tara is a mom of two who lives in Ohio. She runs her business from home and her husband has been working from home for the past few months, but they don’t know how long that will last. The family has been very serious about safety because both her daughter and husband have asthma. But her main concern is for her son. While her daughter is an introvert who’d happily do online school and stay in the house forever, her son has been struggling with the isolation. “He is struggling, he’s really struggling right now and he has been struggling since April. If we have to do a whole school year at home… I… I don’t know. So do I send him back and keep her home? But health is paramount for me. So we do online school. But if we do that, how do I get him that interaction he so desperately needs?” she asked. 

If that quote seems circular to you, you probably aren’t a mom. This is how the thinking goes, the “what if” spiral. When we spoke, Tara had no plan from her district but her thinking was about balancing the needs of her family with the needs of her community. 

“As hard as it’s been these last four months, I still feel like, as somebody who has that privilege of being able to work from home, my husband is home at least through September and I’m home no matter what. I feel like if I don’t send my two children to the schools that’s fewer children in the classroom. So that people who do have to send their kids, it’s not a full 35 kids per class. Maybe it’s 20. And maybe that’s a little bit more manageable for the teachers and the kids. But I don’t know, Graeme, I just don’t know,” she said. 

Keisha has a toddler, a first grader, and a background in education. She and her husband live in Maryland and their district has already announced that they’ll be distance learning until at least January. A sample schedule has been released to parents and it leaves Keisha wondering how her six-year-old is going to handle hour-long blocks of online instruction. And how she’s going to manage that and caring for her almost-two-year-old. 

At the end of last year, one of the online lessons for her then-kindergartener was an audio essay. Just audio. As he listened to it, she paused multiple times to ensure he was engaged and to ask him questions and help him process the lesson. She was eventually so frustrated by the structure that her husband had to step in. So what happens if the instruction level in first grade is just as inappropriate? As an educator and as a Black mother, Keisha was already supplementing her son’s education. Things are now more complicated. “It’s a weird in-between. If he was in the classroom and he was full time, then I just do what I do at home. But with this, I’m having to supervise and think about how I will supplement.” 

Keisha’s worried about all the parents without her education background and the ones who don’t have the flexibility of her schedule. She’s joining another first-grade parent to create a “pod” where they can share the supervision of the kids and is thinking about how they can reach out to a parent who might need that support for their kid, too. Of course, every person you add brings layers of risk, so how many kids can you help? 

Jennifer is in Virginia with her two kids and her husband. She recently started working for Chase Bank and that has changed everything for her. They are fully supportive of her working from home, they’ve given extra PTO, and when one of her kids hid her work phone and then forgot where it was, her boss understood that kids are, well… kids. She knows exactly how lucky she is compared to so many other parents and at the same time, she’s struggling. Jenn has anxiety and is in therapy, but managing a mental illness during a pandemic, while stuck in the house with your family for five months — it’s a lot. 

Jenn’s school district has announced they are going completely virtual for at least the first nine weeks. They’re considering plans to offer some form of childcare for essential workers and teachers, but there’s nothing concrete yet. It’s the parents who are stepping up for each other. “There’s a big push in our area; people are ‘podding up’ and sharing tutors and nannies and things. And I was surprised, really surprised, that there’s a lot of talk about making sure all kids are included and minding the gap,” she told me. The Parallel Learning and Nanny Cooperative is a Facebook group where local parents can connect with families that may need support and can share resources. 

I spoke to moms across the country over a two-week period in July and the later it got, the more moms told me that their districts were going totally virtual. Not one of the moms had heard anything from districts about possible childcare options. No one knew specifics on how IEPs would be handled for their kids. Only one had details about what the online learning platform would look like or how it would operate. 

Parents are being asked to make choices without the information we need to make them. And honestly, that’s nothing new. But these choices are coming after months of isolation, fear, and the rage that accompanies watching those in power do very little to avert this disaster. Exhausted does not begin to encompass the depth of what we’re feeling. 

Pandemic, Mental Health, and Parenting

For most of us, the science is clear. The safest thing we can do is to keep our children home. After that, there are levels of risk that are up to each family to assess. But what about the emotional and mental risk of keeping them home and isolated? Of sending them back to schools that look radically different than they’re used to? Of… all of this, really.

I spoke with Sharon Kaplow, LCSW, a family therapist in Connecticut, about what parents need to keep in mind during the coming school year when it comes to our mental health — and that of our children. She noted the lack of a plan feeds into our collective anxiety. Things keep changing and there’s nothing for us to hold onto, no anchor in the storm. Her first piece of advice: “Focus on your circle of control. Right now you really need to focus on your little microcosm on the planet, your family.” Determine the acceptable levels of risk for YOU and for YOUR FAMILY. Then you can move outside your little circle. 

Stepping out of that bubble can be scary. But Sharon said it’s important to be honest with your kids that the rules for your family and the rules for other families may be different. Maybe someone is OK with playing in the yard, but not playing in their room. That can be hard for children to understand, but they need to know it isn’t personal —- they aren’t being rejected. 

We should also all be ready for behavioral regression. Sharon reminds herself and her kids of that. As they begin to engage more with the children around them, she reminds them, “Look, kids are going to forget how to play together. And they might not play fair. They might get upset really easily. You might get upset really easily. Just be ready for that.” And it’s OK, she said, it’s natural. This isn’t yet another thing for us all to freak out about, simply something to be aware of. “We’re out of practice. That’s all it is. Just try to be patient and be kind,” she added.

Last, but definitely not least, Sharon suggests that all families have a disaster recovery plan. “If we go in and something happens, then, of course, we take them out. But also, what is the hospital protocol? What would we do if someone in the family got sick?” she said. 

Having a plan can relieve so much anxiety and also help with decision-making. It’s unsustainable for many of us to simply stay in our homes for the next year. We’re going to have to stretch. The important thing is to stretch responsibly and to keep reassessing the risk at the local level. Plan. Stretch. Reassess. 

Sharon worked with Sentio Solutions to create an app, The Relief App, where anyone can access mental health support from home. The program includes access to mental health resources and exercises, an app to journal your emotions as well as weekly online 15-minute sessions with qualified coaches who will teach you useful techniques to manage your stress levels during the global crisis. You can check it out right here: https://www.myfeel.co/relief-program

So, what the %*#& do we do???

The vast majority of us are simply doing the best we can. And it doesn’t seem like enough. It isn’t enough. We’re all suffering in our own ways, in our own families, and we also know that our neighbors are, too. We’ve been left alone to figure out individual paths through a collective trauma. And that means those with the least resources and capacity will suffer the most. 

Across the country, there are so many moms who are struggling to care for the physical, mental, and emotional health of their families while also trying to reach out to others in need. I see them. I see you. I SEE US. 

And I can’t stop thinking about how it didn’t have to be this way. 

The disgusting truth is that children are going to die. Teachers are going to die. Cafeteria workers, office staff, nurses, janitors, bus drivers, counselors, the list goes on and on. As one mom said, “It’s a menu of death, that’s what we have to choose from now.” As we hear more from those who have recovered from COVID, we’re realizing the word recovery itself has been redefined. Months later some who have recovered are still dealing with massively reduced lung function, heart issues, and more. 

So do you send your child to school to spin the wheel of death, disability, or health? Do you keep your child home and try to juggle work and school? Do you leave your job? Do you lose your job? 

If you’re a parent making a choice that seems impossible, second-guessing, spiraling, and feeling unsettled even after you’ve set plans in place, please know you aren’t alone. Everyone who is paying attention is feeling like this. It feels wrong because even the best options are horrible and all the plans leave someone behind. 

As we move forward I ask only one thing of you: Don’t stay silent. Speak up about your concerns, tell your kids the truth about what is happening, reach out to those you can help, and ask for the help you need. Because the truth is we won’t all make it through this and we owe it to our children, to each other, and to ourselves to not go quietly.

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