ABOUT
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Information We May Collect
We collect personal information from you so that we can provide you with a positive experience when utilizing our Website or content. We will only collect the minimum amount of information necessary for us to fulfill our obligation to you. We may collect:
Please note that the information above (“Personal Data”) that you are giving to us is voluntarily, and by providing this information to us, you are giving consent for us to use, collect, and process this Personal Data. You are welcome to opt-out or request for us to delete your Personal Data at any point by contacting us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com
If you choose not to provide us with certain Personal Data, you may not be able to participate in certain aspects of our Website or content.
Other Information We May Collect:
Anonymous Data Collection and Use
To maintain Website quality, we may use your IP address to help diagnose problems with our server, to administer the Website by identifying which areas of the Website are most heavily used, and to display content according to your preferences. Your IP address is the number assigned to computers connected to the Internet. This is essentially “traffic data” which cannot personally identify you but is helpful to us for marketing purposes and for improving our services. Traffic data collection does not follow a user’s activities on any other websites in any way. Anonymous traffic data may also be shared with business partners and advertisers on an aggregate basis.
Use of “Cookies”
We may use the standard “cookies” feature of major web browsers. We do not set any personally identifiable information in cookies, nor do we employ any data-capture mechanisms on our Website other than cookies. You may choose to disable cookies through your own web browser’s settings. However, disabling this function may diminish your experience on our Website and some features may not work as intended.
What We Do With Information We Collect
Contact You
We may contact you with information that you provide to us based on these lawful grounds for processing:
Process Payments
We will use the Personal Data you give to us in order to process your payment for the purchase of goods or services under a contract. We only use third party payment processors that take the utmost care in securing data and comply with the GDPR.
Targeted Social Media Advertisements
We may use the data you provide to us to run social media advertisements and / or create look-alike audiences for advertisements.
Share with Third Parties
We may share your information with trusted third parties such as our newsletter provider in order to contact you via email, our merchant accounts to process payments, and Google / social media accounts in order to run advertisements and our affiliates.
Viewing by Others
Note that whenever you voluntarily make your Personal Data available for viewing by others online through this Website or its content, it may be seen, collected and used by others, and therefore, we cannot be responsible for any unauthorized or improper use of the information that you voluntarily share (i.e., sharing a comment on a blog post, posting in a Facebook group that we manage, sharing details on a group coaching call, etc.).
Submission, Storage, Sharing and Transferring of Personal Data
Personal Data that you provide to us is stored internally or through a data management system. Your Personal Data will only be accessed by those who help to obtain, manage, or store that information, or who have a legitimate need to know such Personal Data (i.e., our hosting provider, newsletter provider, payment processors, or team members).
It is important to note that we may transfer data internationally. For users in the European Union, please be aware that we transfer Personal Data outside of the European Union. By using our Website and providing us with your Personal Data, you consent to these transfers in accordance with this Privacy Policy.
Data Retention
We retain your Personal Data for the minimum amount of time necessary to provide you with the information and / or services that you requested from us. We may include certain Personal Data for longer periods of time if necessary for legal, contractual, and accounting obligations.
Confidentiality
We aim to keep the Personal Data that you share with us confidential. Please note that we may disclose such information if required to do so by law or in the good-faith belief that: (1) such action is necessary to protect and defend our rights or property or those of our users or licensees, (2) to act as immediately necessary in order to protect the personal safety or rights of our users or the public, or (3) to investigate or respond to any real or perceived violation of this Privacy Policy or of our Disclaimer, Terms and Conditions, or any other terms of use or agreement with us.
Passwords
To use certain features of the Website or its content, you may need a username and password. You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of the username and password, and you are responsible for all activities, whether by you or by others, that occur under your username or password and within your account. We cannot and will not be liable for any loss or damage arising from your failure to protect your username, password, or account information. If you share your username or password with others, they may be able to obtain access to your Personal Data at your own risk.
You agree to notify us immediately of any unauthorized or improper use of your username or password or any other breach of security. To help protect against unauthorized or improper use, make sure that you log out at the end of each session requiring your username and password.
We will use our best efforts to keep your username and password(s) private and will not otherwise share your password(s) without your consent, except as necessary when the law requires it or in the good faith belief that such action is necessary, particularly when disclosure is necessary to identify, contact, or bring legal action against someone who may be causing injury to others or interfering with our rights or property.
How You Can Access, Update, or Delete Your Personal Data
You have the right to:
You may unsubscribe from our emails or updates at any time through the unsubscribe link at the footer of all email communications. If you have questions or are experiencing problems unsubscribing, please contact us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com
Security
We take commercially reasonable steps to protect the Personal Data you provide to us from misuse, disclosure, or unauthorized access. We only share your Personal Data with trusted third parties who use the same level of care in processing your Personal Data. That being said, we cannot guarantee that your Personal Data will always be secure due to technology or security breaches. Should there be a data breach of which we are aware, we will inform you immediately.
Anti-Spam Policy
We have a no spam policy and provide you with the ability to opt-out of our communications by selecting the unsubscribe link at the footer of all emails. We have taken the necessary steps to ensure that we are compliant with the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003 by never sending out misleading information. We will not sell, rent, or share your email address.
Third Party Websites
We may link to other websites on our Website. We have no responsibility or liability for the content and activities of any other individual, company, or entity whose website or materials may be linked to our Website or its content, and thus we cannot be held liable for the privacy of the information on their website or that you voluntarily share with their website. Please review their privacy policies for guidelines as to how they respectively store, use, and protect the privacy of your Personal Data.
Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act Compliance
We do not collect any information from anyone under 18 years of age in compliance with COPPA (Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act) and the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation of the EU). Our Website and its content is directed to individuals who are at least 18 years old or older.
Notification of Changes
We may use your Personal Data, such as your contact information, to inform you of changes to the Website or its content, or, if requested, to send you additional information about us. We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to change, modify, or otherwise alter our Website, its content, and this Privacy Policy at any time. Such changes and/or modifications shall become effective immediately upon posting our updated Privacy Policy. Please review this Privacy Policy periodically. Continued use of any of information obtained through or on the Website or its content following the posting of changes and/or modifications constituted acceptance of the revised Privacy Policy. Should there be a material change to our Privacy Policy, we will contact you via email or by a prominent note on our Website.
Data Controller and Processors
We are the data controllers as we are collecting and using your Personal Data. We use trusted third parties as our data processors for technical and organizational purposes, including for payments and email marketing. We use reasonable efforts to make sure our data processors are GDPR-compliant.If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com
Last Updated: January 2025
June 2021.
I’m no longer doing my best.
I don’t want to be the best wife to Adam or the best mom to our kids.
I have no interest in being the best me I can be.
I don’t want to be the best coach or teacher, the best friend, the best sister, the best daughter.
No more giving my best or trying my best.
I’m done.
This feels like a betrayal of everything I was raised to believe. It feels impossible. And even if it were possible — how could it ever not be completely and utterly wrong?
How will Adam know I love him if I’m not trying my best? Why would he stay with someone who doesn’t want to be the best wife they possibly can?
WHAT KIND OF MOTHER DOESN’T WANT TO BE THE BEST POSSIBLE MOTHER FOR THEIR CHILD?
A shitty one, obviously. How will my children reach any of their goals if I’m not the best mother I can possibly be? Is motherhood really something I want to stop striving at?
Actually, yes.
A few years ago I began a journey to embrace my own humanity, to heal, and come to terms with myself. I wanted to discover who the hell I actually am and what it is I truly want and need in order to thrive. I did this work for myself, first, and also with the conviction that it would benefit my children, family, and community.
It’s been a long journey and I’m realizing it will be a lifelong one. There’s no such thing as fully healed or fully discovered or fully understood — which sucks because the only thing I love more than making lists is checking things off of lists.
I let go of perfection a long time ago and thought I had done something. But it was a cheat because I had never been all that invested in perfection in the first place. I always saw it as impossible and boring and unrewarding. Still, I patted myself on the back for my “growth.”
I replaced perfection with a drive to do what was “best for me” or give my kids what was “best for them” as if by personalizing perfection I changed it into something less impossible. I’ve come to understand that it isn’t. That’s simply perfection by another name.
The idea that your very best could be not good enough is terrifying. How can it possibly not be a judgment on your Self and your worth?
My mother used to tell me she had done the best she could raising me, and it always stopped the conversation in its tracks. What was my pain or my need next to that? How could I ever say her best wasn’t good enough? That it wasn’t what I needed?
Decades later I found myself saying the same thing to my own therapist, “I’m doing the best I can.”
“I’m trying the hardest I know how.”
“I’m giving all I have.”
And yet, I was disconnected — so focused on others valuing and validating my best, my hardest, my everything, that there was nothing generative, nothing healing, and nothing human about my relationships. They were transactional. I gave, strove, pushed myself, and all the while I kept a count in the back of my mind. There was always a tally of appreciation.
Best was a lie I hid behind.
And one day, I wondered, what if I don’t try my best today? What will happen?
If I’m not striving to be the best but am simply listening to myself, my kids, and Adam about what it is each of us need and how we’re feeling — if we’re just stumbling through and fucking it all up and learning and loving each other and no one has a best to hide behind, what then?
If I’m not making the “right” choices or the “best” choices but simply making my choices, then there is no defense if I’m wrong, if I hurt someone. There is no shield. There’s nothing but authenticity and that’s scary as fuck.
If I’m simply a human loving another human and raising humans with him — will that be enough? Will I be enough?
Can I explore my needs? Can I rest? Can I share my thoughts and passions and fears with my family and receive theirs in turn?
If I let go of trying to do what’s best for my family, how will I navigate my life? How will I know I’m not truly and deeply fucking it all up?
I’ve said for years that motherhood is a series of life and death guesses. Sometimes I say things or write things and I understand them or mean them on one level, and then months or years later comes the ah-ha moment when I realize just how true they are.
My choices truly are guesses. I try to make them informed guesses, but in the end, that’s all they are. I can never really and truly know that something was the right thing. Not even after the fact. Because we all keep growing and changing and understanding the events of our lives differently and “in retrospect” is not one fixed point.
I’ve also been saying for years that courage is more important than confidence and I’m now finally beginning to truly embody that I have to admit courage is fucking hard. You cannot be brave without being afraid, and I’m not someone who generally embraces fear. I’m a Black woman. I’m a Black mom. Why would I embrace fear???
But I cannot fully embrace my own humanity without making friends with fear. I cannot “live brave,” as my friend Shannon says, without allowing fear to be a part of my journey.
The truth is I was born worthy, that my worth is both intrinsic and immutable. The truth is that I do not need to strive for best. The truth is there is no one right way or right choice that will keep us safe, secure our future, or bring me the comfort of knowing that in the end everything will be OK.
There is only imperfection, humanity, love, trying. There is only courage and life and death guesses. There is only this complex journey through my life, motherhood, marriage, career.
But there is no best.
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