ABOUT
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Other Information We May Collect:
Anonymous Data Collection and Use
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What We Do With Information We Collect
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Data Retention
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Security
We take commercially reasonable steps to protect the Personal Data you provide to us from misuse, disclosure, or unauthorized access. We only share your Personal Data with trusted third parties who use the same level of care in processing your Personal Data. That being said, we cannot guarantee that your Personal Data will always be secure due to technology or security breaches. Should there be a data breach of which we are aware, we will inform you immediately.
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Third Party Websites
We may link to other websites on our Website. We have no responsibility or liability for the content and activities of any other individual, company, or entity whose website or materials may be linked to our Website or its content, and thus we cannot be held liable for the privacy of the information on their website or that you voluntarily share with their website. Please review their privacy policies for guidelines as to how they respectively store, use, and protect the privacy of your Personal Data.
Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act Compliance
We do not collect any information from anyone under 18 years of age in compliance with COPPA (Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act) and the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation of the EU). Our Website and its content is directed to individuals who are at least 18 years old or older.
Notification of Changes
We may use your Personal Data, such as your contact information, to inform you of changes to the Website or its content, or, if requested, to send you additional information about us. We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to change, modify, or otherwise alter our Website, its content, and this Privacy Policy at any time. Such changes and/or modifications shall become effective immediately upon posting our updated Privacy Policy. Please review this Privacy Policy periodically. Continued use of any of information obtained through or on the Website or its content following the posting of changes and/or modifications constituted acceptance of the revised Privacy Policy. Should there be a material change to our Privacy Policy, we will contact you via email or by a prominent note on our Website.
Data Controller and Processors
We are the data controllers as we are collecting and using your Personal Data. We use trusted third parties as our data processors for technical and organizational purposes, including for payments and email marketing. We use reasonable efforts to make sure our data processors are GDPR-compliant.If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com
Last Updated: January 2025
This was originally published on my old blog between 2012 and 2020. I’m sharing it here because it’s still important — in many cases, not nearly enough has changed. I’ve been talking about The Motherload™️ and the humanity of moms for more than a decade now, and it doesn’t look like I’ll be stopping anytime soon.
There is no one behind the altar.
Communities of support are possible — they exist — and they are necessary for both mother and child to claim their full humanity at the same time. This does not mean that both get to do everything they wish, anytime they wish. This means that neither is sacrificing SELF for the other. It means that both mother and child are seen as human beings worthy of care, time, and respect.
So, what would it look like if our society actually valued mothers and mothering as much as we like to pretend that we do on the second Sunday in May? There would be systemic changes at all levels of government. There would be shake-ups in corporate America. Universal paid parental leave, universal health care, possibly a state income for parents — who knows? What I do know for sure is that the changes would be deep, and they would reflect the full humanity of mothers and respect for the work of mothering.
My work is not on a national, state, or even local level. My work is person to person.
So what would it be like if you were respected as a human being AND as a mother; respected by your family, your friends, and by yourself? How would your life change if you were at the center of it?
The truth is that you are the center of your family. You are the sun in their sky. They will revolve around you whether you are healthy or not, whether you are fulfilled in your role as a mother and flourishing, or not. And so your choice comes back to you. How do you want to live? What is it that you believe you deserve?
White supremacist, capitalist patriarchy has lied to you. It has fed you a steady diet of insecurity and binary thinking, but you know better. You know there is more to this, more to motherhood, more to life. You know you were born worthy and that your worth is both intrinsic and immutable. Nothing that has happened to you, and nothing you have done changes that. You. Are. Worthy.
And you know you are the one your children will model their own parenting after. So what is the motherhood journey that you want for your own child(ren)? And if that is what you want from them, then why will you not claim it for yourself?
You can stand in the center of your life. You can stand whole and healed (or in the process of healing) in the center of your family. You can know what it is you want and need. You can communicate those needs clearly to your family and you can have those needs met. You can set boundaries with your family clearly and firmly.
Your job is not to make your children as happy as possible every day. Your job is to raise healthy human beings. Your job is to live your life as wholly as possible.
You get to be honest.
You get to be seen.
You get to be real.
You get to need.
You get to want.
You get to feel.
You get to say no.
You get to choose you.
You get to heal.
These things take work. Change rarely happens all on its own. There must be a choice and there must be a reclamation.
Every mother knows that what we say matters very little, but what we do makes an immediate and lasting impact. We can tell our children about consent all day every day, but when we violate their boundaries or allow them to violate ours, they learn we don’t mean what we say.
I don’t know if my children will become parents. I do know that if they become parents, I want their experience of parenthood to be different from mine. I dream a world for them free of gender restrictions. I dream a world for them with true community and networks of support. I dream a world for them where the generational trauma I have lived with is but a mere story. I dream a parenting journey for them with much less judgment and much more grace.
But there is so little I can control about how their lives will turn out, and even less I can control about the world they will inherit. What I can control is what I do.
I can do my best to heal myself and stand in the center of my family as a whole human being. I can help as many mothers as possible to do the same.
I can teach them to see me, to consider me, to respect me. I can teach them that I will make mistakes, that I will fail, and even as I stumble — I am still worthy. I can show them anger doesn’t need to be feared and boundaries are beautiful. I can teach them consent is essential and they must ask for what they want.
I can tell them all of these things. I can lecture and teach and preach. And I do. I’m a talker and I can’t help it. But I also show them. I show them my humanity every day. I show them my truth and it’s amazing how much and how quickly they are learning.
I don’t give them everything. I don’t lay all of me at their feet. I don’t make them the center of my universe. None of that would be fair to them. Or to me.
From the time our children are conceived or brought into our families, we begin a long, slow journey of separation. It is a push and pull, a dance of hearts and minds and bodies drawing closer and away, closer and away. At times we can feel as if we are one person, as if our whole life is tied up in theirs. It’s never true.
The great and terrible truth is that your life is only ever yours. How will you live it?
It isn’t about perfection. Or sacrifice. It isn’t about judgment. Or competition.
Patriarchy tells us that women can’t form supportive networks and hold them. Capitalism tells us we must live in scarcity and competition, and that abundance comes only with wealth.
We know that isn’t true.
When you stand in the center of your life, when self-care becomes a way of life and not a buzzword, you learn to lean. Not only to let others lean on you, always, and to give and give and give, always, but to lean.
Mothers can save each other. Mothers can help each other heal. Mothers can recognize each other’s humanity and celebrate each other.
Mother-centered motherhood recognizes that the whole mother is needed to anchor the family — fabulous and flawed, all of her is necessary. It is choosing to do the work to heal — even when it takes time and money, even when it means saying no to people who want you to say yes to, even when it means making changes that your family finds uncomfortable at first. It means placing ALL OF YOU in the center of your life and of your family.
It isn’t one choice, but a series of choices every single day. It isn’t a system that tells you what is right and wrong every step of the way, but a respect and that begins in the self and a knowledge of your own worth.
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