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Other Information We May Collect:
Anonymous Data Collection and Use
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What We Do With Information We Collect
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Data Retention
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Security
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Third Party Websites
We may link to other websites on our Website. We have no responsibility or liability for the content and activities of any other individual, company, or entity whose website or materials may be linked to our Website or its content, and thus we cannot be held liable for the privacy of the information on their website or that you voluntarily share with their website. Please review their privacy policies for guidelines as to how they respectively store, use, and protect the privacy of your Personal Data.
Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act Compliance
We do not collect any information from anyone under 18 years of age in compliance with COPPA (Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act) and the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation of the EU). Our Website and its content is directed to individuals who are at least 18 years old or older.
Notification of Changes
We may use your Personal Data, such as your contact information, to inform you of changes to the Website or its content, or, if requested, to send you additional information about us. We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to change, modify, or otherwise alter our Website, its content, and this Privacy Policy at any time. Such changes and/or modifications shall become effective immediately upon posting our updated Privacy Policy. Please review this Privacy Policy periodically. Continued use of any of information obtained through or on the Website or its content following the posting of changes and/or modifications constituted acceptance of the revised Privacy Policy. Should there be a material change to our Privacy Policy, we will contact you via email or by a prominent note on our Website.
Data Controller and Processors
We are the data controllers as we are collecting and using your Personal Data. We use trusted third parties as our data processors for technical and organizational purposes, including for payments and email marketing. We use reasonable efforts to make sure our data processors are GDPR-compliant.If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us at graeme@graemeseabrook.com
Last Updated: January 2025
This was originally published on my old blog between 2012 and 2020.
I was told not to get upset because everything I felt, the baby felt too. I was told not to gain too much weight because it would be a struggle to lose it afterward and that would make it even harder for me to keep Adam around. I was told it was good that I was terrified of being a mother — that meant that I'd be a great one. I was lectured by family, friends, and medical professionals about my diet, exercise, emotional state, clothing choices, and sex drive — all to ensure either a happy baby or a happy partner.
I soon learned that when people asked how I was doing, they wanted to know how the pregnancy was going. Every question, every test, every piece of advice that I got was in relation to the baby.
My fear, my constant nausea, my creeping depression and anxiety — none of them were important next to the child I was carrying. Soon they became less important to me as well.
It didn't matter that I cried at every single OB appointment, because my son was growing just fine.
It didn't matter that I ate until I made myself sick and hated my body, because his kick counts were good.
It didn't matter that I couldn't sleep or that my thoughts raced all night, because the nursery was organized and decorated.
The pre-eclampsia, the Pitocin (and the shocking, searing pain that accompanied it), the emergency C-section, and the crushing feeling of complete and utter failure didn't matter because my baby was here.
The hours when we were apart, the feeling of numbness that came over me as I finally held him, the wall that sprang up between us didn't matter, because he was healthy.
The helpless and hopeless feeling of not knowing anything about how to connect to this tiny soul, the desperate loneliness of not having anyone to ask if I was crazy — that didn't matter because every new mom gets tired. And look how much Adam was helping!
Everyone thought I was such an "Earth Mother" for just whipping out my boob and breastfeeding in front of whoever was in the room — but I was in so much pain from the C-section that I couldn't move to go get privacy. And I was in such a state of panic over the pressure and expectations of breastfeeding that I could only think of stopping that wailing scream as soon as possible.
I longed for peace and quiet. For someone to care for my baby. For someone to care for me. I felt like a ghost in my own life.
No one noticed when I couldn't leave the house.
No one noticed when I didn't shower or seem to care about how I looked.
It was the rage that got everyone's attention. The only feeling that could make it through the heavy, wet fog that surrounded me and past the thick, sweet mask I wore was the rage. It choked me each morning when I woke. It licked at my heels all day long and it roasted me on its spit each night. Eventually, it consumed me and I erupted. That part got attention. After all — what did I have to be angry about?
My rage was a symptom, yes. It's actually one of the most common and least talked about symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety. But the more I heal and the more clearly I can see that period of my life, the more I see that there were so many things to rage against.
This is a problem for more than just the 19% of all moms and 38% of Black moms who will battle a maternal mental illness like I did. This slow fade is an issue that I see echoed in my conversations with my clients, with my friends, with the members of The Self-Care Squad. So what do we do about it?
We can start by never forgetting that each mother is just as important as their baby and never letting them forget that either. Ask her how she's doing. If she answers you by telling you about the baby, redirect the question so that she knows you are asking about her. Tell her that her health — physical and mental — is just as important as that of her child and back that up with action. Remind her that she is still a whole person, even when it feels like she's been taken over by a huge belly and a life changing responsibility. Offer her space, support, privacy, a shoulder to cry on. Let her know that she can ask you the stupid questions and tell you the scary thoughts.
Look at the pregnant women and new mothers in your life.
Really see them.
Don't let them fade away.
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